are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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