would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
