Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
