Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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