Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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