I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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