nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
