So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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