It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
