It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
