I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
