I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
