End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
