Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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