apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
