So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
