Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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