my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
