I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
