I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
