Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We are all done wearing pants today
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize