how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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