Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Someone signed my nipple.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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