The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
zippers are such a cool invention
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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