I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
