you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
