What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
