and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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