Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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