we're blogging at a bar
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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