Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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