He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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