I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
