Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
