Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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