I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
