you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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