Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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