She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
