I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
