u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
