my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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