Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
