Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
