It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
