Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
