you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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