i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
