I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
