I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
