I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
