Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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