It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
