What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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