they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
