Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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