one two three fourrrrnication!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
