he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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