someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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