Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So much Jack, so little girl.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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