we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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