maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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