Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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