he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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