6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
