Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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