How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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