What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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