Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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