You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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