Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
