Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
