I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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