it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
