god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
