wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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