Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
