I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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