At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
