I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
