Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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