The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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