I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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