Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
