I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My bed smells like the plague
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
