take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
